Better in his garage than down at the local drinking hole getting blind

　　My neighbor Barry loves his gadgets. You know the type; spends half his time watching the handyman channel and the other half in his garage playing with his tools. There's always something going on in Barry's garage. His wife Linda says at least she knows where he is all the time.

　　"Better in his garage than down at the local drinking hole getting blind!" she'll tell you.

　　Anyway, three weeks ago it was Barry's birthday and he'd been on about getting a chainsaw. Linda and the kids got the message. Right on cue, a chainsaw found it's way into Barry's garage. He was ecstatic. He couldn't wait to show me.

　　"Look mate, a new member's been added to the family," he said to me like the proud father he was. " It's going to be a great addition to the family."

　　"Family?" I replied looking slightly puzzled. "You mean tool collection don't you?"

　　"No mate, my tools are like my extended family. I love 'em," he announced proudly."This chainsaw's going to take pride of place!"

　　"What the hell are you going to do with a chainsaw in the suburbs?" I asked. "I mean it's not like you're going to need it to go out and get firewood. You don't even have a wood fireplace!"

　　Barry massaged his chin and gave me a piercing stare. He paused for a moment and then in a quiet controlled tone he calmly pointed out to me... "Mate, you never know when a storm might hit." Then he held up the chainsaw and with nodding approval said, "This little baby might just become a lifesaver."

　　"Yeah right mate," I replied sarcastically. "Next you'll be telling me you'll carve your christmas turkey with it."

　　"Hey good idea," Barry responded with a sly grin. "I'll tell Linda to get rid of the carving knife!"

　　We walked into his garage with Barry pointing out with great pleasure where his new family member was going to spend most of it's time. "That's where I'm parking it until I need to use it."

　　"Use it. You'll never need to use it," I exclaimed. "And anyway Barry, if the time ever came for you to produce your chainsaw... and we'd probably all be dead by then anyway... do you know how to operate it?"

　　"I sure do mate. I did a crash course with a chainsaw expert on the operation and safety procedures of chainsaws," he told me in CPET disposable food container a forthright manner.

　　I retorted quickly. "A crash course! You're kidding right. How hard could it be to operate one of these things, I mean, it would be just like using a lawnmower wouldn't it? You just rev it up and away you go."

　　Barry looked at me with a bemused expression on his face. He almost had a calming presence come over him. I knew this look. In the past it meant I would get a lecture... A "Barry style crash course" in the use of one of his "family members." In other words, I was about to be educated... Barry style, and I hated it when he made me feel like a moron.

　　"Mate, mate, mate," he started in a smug tone. "This chainsaw can be very dangerous in the hands of an inexperienced user. Do you know how many people are injured in chainsaw accidents every year?

　　"Well..yeeaaah," I'd reply in a hesitant fashion."Quite a few I suppose." (I had no idea actually.) "I'd say..."

　　"Thousands!" Barry butted in without letting me finish. "Thousands. Mate these things are lethal in the wrong hands!"